its been a while.

Hello my dear readers!

Happy new year! I took a month break from updating you guys to orient myself to 2021. I wasn’t sure I would survive 2020. it has been a long and tiring winter, but at last, spring is around the corner and I find myself hopeful. Something I haven’t felt in months.

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Ghosts Of December Past

I like December. It feels like the entire year I have been holding my breath and when December rolls around, I’m finally willing to exhale. That feeling is more evident this year than any other year previously. Growing up, my mother made a big deal of celebrating Christmas. We are not Christians. But on Christmas day, I would wake up to carols playing, the smell of freshly baked plum cake, a tree decorated with presents, a Santa hat on the pillow next to mine with a note that said “You are loved.” Of course, I didn’t appreciate these little moments then. Last year, it was the first Christmas that i didn’t spend with my mother. Flight tickets were expensive and i had only two weeks off. It didn’t seem worth it to fly halfway across the world only for a few weeks. On Christmas morning, i woke up lonely and depressed, i missed my mother terribly and more so, i missed her Christmas celebrations. If you ask my mother why she makes a big deal about Christmas, she’ll say “It’s the last full week before the year ends and endings must be celebrated.”

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Moon Shine

I am obsessed with the moon. All my life I have chased the moon. My love for the moon is so widespread amongst my friends and family, people send me pictures of the moon, facts about the moon, songs about the moon. Every night, since I was a child, I have tried to view the moon before going to bed. Except new moon nights, of course. It is no secret that I love the moon. I worship the moon. I love the moon like you would love a person. I worship the moon like you would worship a deity.

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Every night is followed by a dawn

i have been trying to write this post for weeks now! i have not been able to form a single cohesive thought since. every time i sit in front of my laptop, the blinking cursor and empty page stares back at me.

today i decided that i’m just going to get through this ~ writing slump~. i’ve been going through a life slump/health slump/work slump/creative slump lately. and today whatever words i type on this first draft will be final and i’ll hit publish. no overthinking it, no editing. just words flowing. so here’s a bunch of disjointed thoughts that were lying in my draft.

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